Journaling my 20: Keep Ambitious and Stay Grounded

“Keep ambitious and stay grounded”

Belakangan kalimat di atas selalu muncul di kepala sebagai pengingat bahwa yang kupikir, dan kurencanakan adalah mungkin. Secara gak sadar jadi perisai bentuk pertahanan atas rasa takut yang muncul. Kata “stay grounded” nyatanya gak termaknai dengan benar.

Ambition yang sebagian porsinya ternyata jadi bungkus nafs. Kepala seketika berisi bentuk-bentuk kata yang diinginkan untuk ngisi celah yang kedatangannya juga dari isi kepala. Terus running in circle sampai realita hadir di hadapan.

Dari sudut pandang realita, banyak hal yang bisa dipertimbangkan, dan pertimbangan yang ternyata perlu dipertimbangkan lagi. Sampe akhirnya bisa memaknai kata “stay grounded” itu.

In this state of life as a new chapter begins.
To recognize more subtle messages
To see the essentials
As a human being, as an intellect being.

Reference and current reading: Fihi Ma Fihi Jalaluddin Rumi.

Journaling my 20s: The Small Detail

I watch my hanging towel near the window swayed by the wind. I watch the sunset reflect on my kitchen wall, shining on my mugs, my plates, my other kitchen sets, and especially my magicom. In the morning, I catch the shadow of the leaf coming through my bedroom. This past month, I’ve been cycling to work, and I need about 15 minutes to arrive. In the middle of the road, an “ibu-ibu” will greet me with a big smile, even though I’m across the road.

Noticing all the small details of life, oh life!

But to notice these small details, I need to step back a little more. For example, I need to put away my phone, haha. These small details are like mosaics—I place them in a frame, but I still don’t know what picture will eventually appear. It’s like buying a blind box impulsively. Year after year, suddenly we realize, we’ve collected pieces of the full mosaic.

It is full of people, full of emotions, full of actions, full of regrets, and full of hope.

Poem recommendation: O me! O life! (Walt Whitman, 1867).

Journaling my 20s: Take Off the Old Clothes

Moving out in the middle of 2025 was something remarkable. It is a huge page for a new chapter in my 20s. Though I didn’t move that far, only about an hour and a half if you’re driving like an F1 driver. But if you’re in the passenger seat? Get ready for sudden dizziness and nausea, guaranteed.

I moved after changing jobs, knowing I’d need physical and mental preparation. This shift demands adapting to a whole new environment—beliefs, attitudes, and vibes (totally different). Like my other life transitions, I find myself questioning everything… and ending up dizzy (and no, I’m not even in an “F1-like” passenger seat this time). I’m glad my early 20s were filled with thrilling life experiences—that’s become the steady ground that keeps me going.

Tapi keep going-nya gak begitu smooth sih. Rasanya kayak jalan di jalanan berbatu trus gak sengaja nyemplung got karena ngehindarin truk di jalan berbatu yang sempit itu.

While struggling to clean myself up, I learned to “take off the old clothes,” especially when entering a new place. This idea came from a special woman whose name I’ve forgotten (forgive me, but I’ll mention it once I remember or meet her again). I realized none of the pride I once carried mattered in the new place. What remains are my values, my goals, my attitude, my personality. These forms—the raw version of me that rides the waves— give smoother surf and I kinda like it.